In their landmark study, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25 Year Landmark Study, Drs. Judith Wallerstein, Julia Lewis, and Sandra Blakeslee write that even 25 years after their parents divorced, adult children are still caught “in an intense inner conflict – afraid of repeating their parents’ mistakes while searching for lasting love. Many were either avoiding commitment or jumping impulsively into relationships with troubled people they hardly knew” (xviii).
Here are some of the things these researchers say they learned from this massive study. Children identify with their mother, and their father, and the relationship between them! They carry the template of that relationship into adulthood and use it to seek the image of their new family (xxix).
Second, the divorced family is not a truncated version of the two-parent family. It is a different kind of family – children feel less protected and less certain about their future. They are more pessimistic and more fearful.
Third, divorce ruptures parenting from the contract that began the relationship in the first place. Life is now less stable, more volatile, and less protective of the children. A single dad or a single mom is now focused on rebuilding their own lives – economically, socially, and sexually.
Fourth, while some children become stronger because they have to rely on themselves, many children realize that they have to be in life for themselves. They become quite selfish and self-centered – nobody took care of them growing up and so they have to take care of themselves as adults.
If we want a healthy society, it is imperative that we start with a healthy family.
WHAT CAN CHRISTIANS DO?
(Based on a lecture by Earl Edwards entitled The Essentiality of the Home in Society.)
We need to keep our hearts, feet, and mind in the Word of God. It is always the recipe for peace and success, in every area of life.
We need to teach Biblical principles to our children at home as well as in church.
We should teach our children to marry Christians.
When our children are getting ready to marry, we should encourage them to get premarital counseling.
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The family is basic to the success of society. It is essential to a strong church. It is necessary for us to be happy and content. The home was born in the heart of God. That should make us take it quite seriously and want to pattern our own homes after God’s pattern in the Bible.
–Paul Holland
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Our Bible study hour today will be spent
in prayer of thanksgiving. Please join us.
Daily Nourishment from God’s Word
