We are considering, in this series, how to get our thinking under control, to bring our thoughts into captivity to Christ (2 Cor. 10:5). In doing so, we can get control of negative thinking and thereby change our emotional reactions to our surroundings. When our thinking and our emotions are under control, then our behavior will reflect Christ more accurately.
Dr. Burns, the source for our thoughts on cognitive therapy, from his book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy, believes almost all negative emotional reactions inflict their damage only as a result of low self-esteem. Whether you agree completely with his assessment or not is not relevant. Certainly, our self-image has much to do with our emotions. The source of genuine self-esteem is, in Burn’s opinion (56), the most important question you will ever confront.
For one thing, we cannot earn worth through what we do. Achievements can bring us satisfaction but not happiness. Nor can we base a valid sense of self-worth on our looks, talent, fame, or fortune. Our own sense of self-worth determines how you feel and it needs to come from God’s view of us.
To me, there are three key biblical teachings that help us have a positive view of ourselves. First, we are made in the image of God (Gen. 1:26-27). Secondly, Christ gave His life for each of us (Gal. 2:20). Third, the unique combination of likes, abilities, inherent interests that we have are given to us by God for the greater good (1 Cor. 12:7). When you put those three points together, we have the highest and strongest motivation to believe we are important.
So, when we get depressed, particularly when it originates from negative thoughts about ourselves, we need to get a hold of those negative thoughts and counteract them with positive, more realistic thoughts. Typically when we think negatively about ourselves, we engage in the mental fallacy of all or nothing thinking or overgeneralization. If I do one thing wrong, does that make me a loser? Certainly not.
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What we can do, if we suffer with such depression that originates from a low self-image is to recognize those critical thoughts as they go through our minds. Recognize which of the ten cognitive distortions (I shared last week) we are committing. Then talk back to ourselves in a more positive, helpful, and probably realistic way.
This “simple exercise of answering your negative thoughts with rational responses on a daily basis is at the heart of the cognitive method” (Burns, 67). Write down these three steps to force yourself to think through them: Negative thought, mental distortion, realistic thought.
Remember, your feelings do not reflect reality!
A healthy self-esteem is not about doing great things that draw the attention of other people, like the Pharisees (see Matt. 6:2, 5, 7, 16). It’s about realizing I have a purpose to serve in the life of my wife, my daughters, my church, my employer, and my community and for my Savior and God. When I serve those purposes, I am accomplishing what God put me here to accomplish. When I do that, I am accomplishing a great thing!
Paul Holland
