Teaching our children to have special, specific skills is not at the heart of parenting. The fundamental quality our children need to have is good character, Christian character.
From one perspective, the key focus in raising children is to constantly ask yourself: “What kind of 35-year-old do I want my child to be?” If you focus on that, you’ll raise a pretty good 13-year-old.
Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it” – Proverbs 22:6.
Certainly, parenting is important to the authors of the book of Proverbs. “Mother” is mentioned fourteen times in Proverbs. “Father” is mentioned twenty-six times in Proverbs. “Child” and “Children” are mentioned eight times and “son” is mentioned fifty-five times. “Daughter” is mentioned twice and we should understand that “son” is often used generically to refer to all children.
Character is defined as “mental and moral qualities that are distinctive to an individual.” There is a young lady who was looking for a job, a part-time job, and she got called in for an interview at the company that she really wanted to work for. The interview went well and the employer sounded like he would hire her. He said he would call her within the week. That week went by and there was no phone call. The young lady applied to another job, got called in for an interview and was hired. When she went back to start filling out the paperwork, she was called by the first company – the one she really wanted to work for. But, she had already given her word to the second company that she would work for them and had started that process. So, she turned down that first company. That is character.
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That is a young lady who knows what it means to stick with your word (Ecc. 5:4-5). Character is keeping your word.
Good manners flow out of a good character. Manners: “A person’s outward bearing or way of behaving toward others.” Teaching manners can’t stop at setting a good example before them. Good manners also requires instruction: “Train up a child…” “Train…” is used five times in the OT and four of those times, it is translated “dedicate” as in “dedicate the temple to God.” It was also used in Hebrew to refer to rubbing the palate of a newborn child with fruit juice. I suppose that stimulates the sucking reflex in a baby. The whole point here is to start a child at a very young age going in the right direction. You begin parenting with the end in mind and every decision made along the way is directed with that end in mind: what kind of 35-year-old do you want?
It’s not good enough to be good for the sake of being good. We are good because we reflect the nature of our Savior, Jesus Christ. We are good because we are to reflect the nature of our Creator, God. We are good because we will one day, answer to God for our behavior (2 Cor. 5:10). Teaching our children to have good manners ultimately is preparing them for their own day of judgment before the God of heaven.
Real world parenting means we are training our children to honor Christ in all their life whether manners, morals, or social media use.
Paul Holland
