Perhaps you have heard people question the relationship that existed between David and Jonathan, as to it being an immoral situation. Is there anything to this idea?
Before we dive into answering that question, let me just say that we never have anything to be scared of when we investigate the Scriptures. We may even do ourselves a disservice by not looking into such matters. We need to search the Scriptures and see what is so (see Acts 17:11). And while we may be pretty sure of ourselves concerning this situation, we do need to have enough humility about us to realize there are things we could have misunderstood.
Ok, so the particular passage appealed to concerning the relationship of David and Jonathan is 2 Samuel 1:26. There David says, “I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; very pleasant have you been to me; your love to me was extraordinary, surpassing the love of women.”
To the modern American ear what David says concerning Jonathan sounds awkward at best. I think all of us would agree with that. Let’s make just a few observations about this passage and this relationship.
First, context, context, context. David is lamenting his best friend who has just died in war. In the verse under consideration, David says that he is distressed (he is grieved deeply). Very possibly there is no other time as emotive than the time of deep mourning. While mourning naturally brings sadness, it often brings some of the most heart-felt reflections as well. If you think you have an appreciation and affection for someone now, just wait until they pass on. Keep this principle in mind with the David/Jonathan relationship.
Secondly, and I do not concede this for a second, but if it could be proven that David and Jonathan had an illicit relationship, that by no means would endorse such behavior. Frequently the Bible provides painfully honest accounts of even some very good servants of God. And sometimes it does so without specifically expressing condemnation of the action. But this does not mean the action is endorsed by heaven. You may recall in Judges 19 when a Levite was so disturbed by Gibeah’s crime that he took the woman’s dead body and cut it into twelve pieces and sent it throughout Israel. Although the Bible records this event, it doesn’t mean it was moral. Again, I leave no room for the relationship of David and Jonathan being an immoral one, because there is no evidence for that, but even if it was, that doesn’t mean it was endorsed by the Lord.
Thirdly, David and Jonathan were simply brought very close to each other through life’s circumstances. Going through fiery trials together often produces a very close bond.
Fourthly, we certainly know that David was not adverse to women, even to his downfall concerning Bathsheba a little later on (see 2 Sam. 11-12). But even at this particular time, David had two wives (see 2 Sam. 2:2). That’s another discussion!
In the fifth place, note what David said earlier concerning Saul and Jonathan in verse 23: “Saul and Jonathan, beloved and lovely! In life and in death they were not divided…” The language here is similar to that of our passage in question (v. 26), but nobody questions this relationship. Though this kind of language may sound strange to our ears, it doesn’t seem to be that unusual within the historical setting.
Lastly, look back at verse 26. David says that Jonathan’s love was “extraordinary.” What does that mean? It means that it was beyond the ordinary! And then he adds, “surpassing the love of women.” It seems David is saying that the type or quality of love he enjoyed with Jonathan was not like the love that God has granted between a man and a woman, it is something greater… an even higher love.
Hopefully these thoughts help us concerning the question we began with, and also challenges us to foster a love more like David’s. Perhaps this love is more like the love that will be enjoyed eternally in heaven (ct. Mt. 22:30).
Daren Schroeder
