First, the Bible: “I urge Euodia and I urge Syntyche to live in harmony in the Lord” (Phil. 4:2). At least part of the context of Paul’s letter to the church in Philippi is this disagreement or discord that was happening among these two sisters in Christ within that congregation. Let’s apply this statement: “live in harmony” to our parenting practice.
Here’s my point: mom and dad need to be on the “same page” when it comes to parenting style as well as how and when they will use rewards and punishments. The closer your backgrounds are when you marry, the more likely you will parent with a similar style. Rachel and I had a similar style. Even so, it is important to come to a unity of parenting style preferably before you start having children. However, your style might change and evolve even after having children. And, as the children mature, you will be faced with new choices.
Talk about what you want to do and how you want to do it with your spouse. I would strongly urge you not to disagree about parenting in front of the children. They don’t need to see or experience disagreement between the parents relative to discipline. I tried hard when our girls were young that if I disagreed with something Rachel was saying or doing to the girls not to disagree with her in front of them. I never wanted the girls to “see any daylight” between the two of us when it comes to their training. I would wait until we were “behind closed doors” to share my opinion about how things might be done differently.
It is also important for the husband to make sure he enforces the rules and discipline laid down by the wife. Children, especially boys, can be rebellious toward Mom when they would not be toward Dad (I was that way a few times). So Dads need to make sure they are training the children to respect Mom’s authority.
What is important is for Mom and Dad to talk about these things, the rules and the reasons you want those rules, and why you believe what you believe. The consistency and the unity between parents will help make a happy, safe, thriving, loving, and Christ-honoring home.
Paul Holland
