First, the Bible: “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Eph. 4:2-3). The French translation has “force yourselves” for “preserve.” Home is where each of us should learn how to resolve conflicts.
While my family was largely a peaceful family, we did have our fusses and fights. My sister older (one year, one month, two weeks, and one day) than me and I use to fight and argue constantly. Mom would say one would say, “Good morning,” and the other would say “no it’s not.” My older brother (by five years) and I would wrestle which often turned into fights. I harassed my younger brother (by seven years) because I could. Until he grew bigger than me, which my mom told me would happen.
There is a part of life that includes errands and activities that must be done. Every person has a list of things to do and accomplish each day, whether they actually make such a list or not. The family as a whole also has activities that have to be done each day (like cooking the meals!).
Sometimes these activities have obstacles that get in the way of their accomplishment, speed bumps if you will. They are problems that pop up that need to be resolved before the family can succeed in getting things done. Sometimes parents allow children to turn the problems they face into conflicts.
But when problems surface, Mom and Dad need to train the children to follow the principles from Ephesians 4:2-3 in order to resolve the problem, not create conflicts, and accomplish what needs to be done. Train your children to work with humility. Train the older children to be gentle with younger siblings who may not be able to do what the older children can do. Train the children to be patient when problems arise and to be patient as the solution is being studied and implemented. Train your children to show tolerance for each other. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses and the family is the ideal time to learn what those are and tolerate those whose weaknesses do not compare favorably with our strengths.
Train your children to love each other, wanting what is best for each other regardless of how it impacts them. Train your children to force themselves to maintain unity – which often means keeping one’s opinion to themselves! Challenge your children to keep the family bonded together in peace.
Paul Holland
