First, the Bible: “Like a city that is broken into and without walls is a man who has no control over his spirit” (Proverbs 25:28).
When President Eisenhower was a child, his mom refused to allow him to go trick-or-treating. She believed he was too old. He went outside and, in a fit of anger, beat a tree with his bare fists. Later, when he was in his room crying, his mom went in and talked to him about controlling his attitude and she quoted the book of Proverbs.
One serious responsibility parents have is to train our children to control their emotions. God created emotions so emotions are good. But we cannot allow our emotions to rule us and drive us. We don’t have to become “Mr. Spock,” but a healthy family is a family where its members control their emotions, especially anger.
Some children feel emotions more strongly than others. Those children have a strength that can be channelled into the right paths that will allow them to serve their fellow-man very well. But when children allow their emotions to control them, parents might be allowing them to cook up a disaster in their future.
Yes, Jesus got angry (Mark 3:5) but He controlled His anger and channelled it into avenues that would glorify the Father. The home is the best place for parents to help train children to channel their own emotions into paths that will bring honor to God (first), to their parents, and to themselves.
Parents have to control their own emotions first. Sometimes children will express strong emotions in order to manipulate Mom and Dad to get what he or she wants. Or, they might express strong emotions in order to discourage Mom and Dad from implementing discipline that the child knows is coming. So parents can’t lose control of their own emotions in face of their kids. If you do, you need to quickly regain control and talk about how dangerous it is to lose control of one’s emotions.
What is motivating the loss of control? Mom and Dad need to have a talk with the child and teach them how to examine what is going on in their hearts and see what needs to be done to honor God. Remember that Solomon also said, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Prov. 15:1). That applies to parenting as well.
Paul Holland
