First, the Bible: “This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God” (James 1:19-20).
We have commented before that the home is the laboratory for learning the Christian virtues. It is the place, then, for Mom and Dad to learn to control their own behavior, their own anger. Do not get into arguments with your children! You have yielded your moral authority and given them far more power than they deserve when you stoop to arguing with children. They are children; they will act like children. Do not allow yourself to fall to that level.
When your children push you to the edge, say a prayer. Get control of your emotions. And refrain from yelling. Raising your voice at your children has lots of negative side effects. Yes, you might get some temporary obedience out of them, but at what cost? You run the risk of making them feel unloved. Yelling damages your relationship with them; their respect for you is diminished every time you yell. And you may very well feel bad about it afterward.
Additionally, when you discipline your children through consistent yelling and arguing, you can “train” them to react to others in one of two ways. They will learn to use anger and yelling in their relationships with others, which is a recipe for a catastrophe. Or you can “train” them to give in to others who consistently express anger at them so that they become mere pawns or puppets in the world of those around them. You don’t want to raise defenseless children.
You should train yourself as you are training your children to control yourself. Control your emotions. Control your anger. Control your voice. it is possible to be calm but firm in your discipline. We are trying to train our children to make decisions based on values from God’s word and principles. That means you need to talk to your children about expressing a bad attitude. Don’t yell. Tell them where they are wrong from a position of strength and clarity. In that way, you will train their hearts.
Paul Holland
