First, the Bible: “For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, instructing us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age” (Titus 2:11-12).
God can be appealed to; He can be approached; He will allow His mind to be changed. But He will not be manipulated.
Children are masters at trying to manipulate Mom and Dad. Temper tantrums are just that – trying to manipulate the parents. Jewell threw a temper tantrum one time. She realized it was not in her best interest to do it a second time!
Getting theatrical or emotional outbursts or whining are efforts by a child to entice Mom or Dad to do what the child wants done. When children do that (and when adults do it as well), they illustrate that they are self-centered, that they “love” their agenda more than they value their relationship. Parents do themselves and their children a long-term disservice if they get into negotiating on a continual basis.
Sometimes parents might need to say “no” in order to teach a long-term value such as perseverance or contentment. If you have a child that appears to try to manipulate, first, point it out to them. Perhaps they are too young to realize what they are doing. Also, do not give in to the manipulation and point out that this type of behavior will destroy or weaken relationships in the future. That’s why it should not be condoned or practiced.
Parents are the older, wiser, more mature people and sometimes we have to say “no” or give some other limitation because we can see where a decision might lead. The child will not see it because he or she is too young, too immature, too inexperienced to understand the consequences. That’s why parents have to stand firm and not allow themselves to be manipulated.
Learning to say “no” to ourselves is a key discipline that God requires us to learn. Observe from the text quoted from Titus 2 that grace teaches us to “deny ungodliness and worldly desires.” Learning how to communicate and not manipulate is key to developing a Christ-like character.
Paul Holland
