First, the Bible: “Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But each one must examine his own work, and then he will have reason for boasting in regard to himself alone, and not in regard to another. For each one will bear his own load. The one who is taught the word is to share all good things with the one who teaches him” (Galatians 6:2-5).
Too many parents, in my opinion, have focused on teaching their children to focus on themselves and developing themselves, and they have forgotten that the child is also part of a family and part of a church. The last few decades (in particular when “youth ministers” became ubiquitous in the church), the church collectively seems to have decided that “busyness” was the same thing as “faithfulness.” What we got was a lot of teenagers who thought church was all about having fun and when they grew up, church wasn’t fun anymore and they quit.
While parents help children focus on their own interests (such as sports) and talents (such as music), they cannot forget to teach they are also members of a family and a church body. That requires communication, compromise, and cooperation. Chores are an excellent way to help train children to make family a priority. In my opinion, parents make a tragic mistake if they allow children to focus on sports to the detriment of having chores around the house to contribute to the health of the family. Children ought also to be involved in church activities that are not “fun” but necessary, like yard work around the building or cleaning the building or decorating for VBS.
When my parents divorced just shy of their 40th anniversary, my dad was bitter (he initated the divorce) and I grew tired of his bitterness. I wrote him a letter from Romania telling him that the kids did not want to nor need to listen to his bitterness. We had happy memories of our family – doing house work together, growing a garden together, doing church work together, playing games together, going on vacations together, sitting around the dinner table and laughing together. Dad backed off, changed his heart, and lost the animosity he felt toward mom. As far as I could tell, at the moment each of them died, they were friends again.
Children need a sense of belonging to their physical family and to their spiritual family. That takes training, it takes involvement, and it takes communication. I did not like waking up at 3:00 AM when I was in junior high school to help dad, mom, and my two siblings run a paper route, delivering the Atlanta-Journal Constitution. But we were all miserable together!
Paul Holland
