First, the Bible: “So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you” (Col. 3:12-13).
Brother Wendell Winkler, in a class on Preacher and His Work, told us Bible-majors at Faulkner that as a father, we should say “yes” whenever we can because there will be plenty of times when we have to say “no.” I took that to heart and I think it added more fun times to our family life.
When I was in college, I was visiting home for the holidays and Dad insisted I change the oil in my truck. I put it off until the day before I left and, not knowing “lefty-loosy, righty-tighty,” spent three hours turning the oil filer the wrong way! I could not get it off. I told Dad when he got home from work and then the next morning, he spent an hour working to get the filter off. I do not recall him fussing at me very much.
Sometimes as a parent, it is difficult to know how strict you should be and how free you should be. Our goal as parents, of course, is to train up our children to love and serve God and be productive adults. But that doesn’t mean that we have to be harsh and excessively strict in our discipline.
Our parenting is not all about training skills. It is also about developing relationships, both between us and our children as well as between our children and their Savior. We need to remember that our children will develop their initial impressions of their Spiritual Father based on how their Earthly father treats them.
Let’s be careful that we do not come across to our children as cold and distant. Sometimes when Rachel and I needed the girls to do something, I would warn them in advance: “In ten minutes, we need you to…” That gave them a heads up that they needed to wind down whatever it was they were doing.
If we lean too much into the “relationship” side of parenting, we can become too lax and lenient. However, if we lean too much into the “disciplinarian” side of parenting, we can weaken our relationship and strain communication channels.
But take Colossians 3:12-13 to heart as a parent. In your training, be compassionate. Be kind. Be humble. Be gentle. Be patient. Tolerate your children’s imperfections. Forgive.
Paul Holland
