When I do pre-marital counseling, I usually use the book Magnificent Marriage by Drs. Nick Stinnett and Donnie Hillard (who was my professor of Marriage and Family at Faulkner) and Nick’s wife Nancy. In that book, they encourage spouses to envision a wonderful future together. The same point is relevant for the parent and child relationship.
One of the verses which we like from the OT deals with the idea of hope and a future: Jeremiah 29:11. The prophet states: “For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.” We need to bring this same optimism into our parenting relationships.
My mom was very optimistic and she frequently set our minds into thinking about the future. I wish I could count the number of times my mom would say, “Son, you won’t remember this 100 years from now!” Mom helped me put challenges into the broader perspective of life. She helped me not to trip over the immediate issues of life, but to anticipate a future when the current frustration was not a concern anymore. It’s another way of saying, “Don’t sweat the small stuff; and it’s all small stuff.” There’s a lot of truth in that too.
When you parent with one eye on the future, you can envision your child using his or her positive qualities in a great context of service to others and service to Jesus Christ. As Christians, we all try to see the good in our children. Put that goodness in the context of future service and you can help your own children to envision a great future in their careers and service to Christ.
We do something similar when we say, “You’ll make a great husband / wife someday.” The disadvantage with that statement is that it could create the expectation that the child must get married one day if he or she is going to be happy. But we can say, “You’ll be successful one day, with that attitude of…”
A side effect of this type of communication with your children is that they begin to embrace that optimism and hope now. It affects their things now. In that context, it may become even easier to help your children choose a career path for themselves that you and they see is appropriate for them.
Emphasize their strengths and you all will be a great future. It is a joy to be a Christian parent.
Paul Holland
