First, the Bible: “Since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, each of us is to exercise them accordingly: if prophecy, according to the proportion of his faith; if service, in his serving; or he who teaches, in his teaching; or he who exhorts, in his exhortation; he who gives, with liberality; he who leads, with diligence; he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness.”
In their marriage book Magnificent Marriage, Drs. Nick Stinnett and Donnie Hilliard, with Nancy Stinnett, wrote in one chapter about “reframing.” That is, rather than focusing on a negative aspect of your spouse’s character, try to consider that same quality from a more positive perspective. To give one example, a spouse who seems “bossy” might simply be a very concerned type of individual.
When it comes to our children, the same thing can be true. In fact, our children might have a good quality that, if abused or pushed to an extreme, turns into a bad quality. If a child has some strong analytical skills, he or she might also be overly critical. If a child is extremely self-confident, he or she might become prideful. If a child seems to do well and is efficient, he or she might become inflexible about the way other people want to do things.
It is a good thing to acknowledge a child for their strengths. The more specific we can be in our praise, the more productive our praise will be. We should also help them see that their strength can be turned into a weakness, making life difficult for people around them, if they allow their strength to become too stiff or inflexible.
God has given each of us grace to exercise the gifts He has given to us. As parents, we have the opportunity to help our children see those gifts and use them for His honor.
Paul Holland
