First, the Bible: “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:6). When Rachel and I first moved to Romania, we read Stephen Covey’s books The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families. In his books, he states that we should “begin with the end in mind.” In other words, keep the long-term goal in mind as we begin our project.
That is absolutely true when it comes to parenting based on biblical principles. Keep the long-term goal in mind and don’t get distracted and overwhelmed in the short-term crises that children bring. Our grandson is eight months old. We see them every week, if not every other week (if someone is sick). He changes and matures almost every time we see him. The changes might be subtle, after all, he is only 8 months old, but he is changing. However, he isn’t talking yet. Change comes slowly; development takes time.
When we are training our children to be faithful Christians and productive citizens, the development takes time. But we have to keep that long-term goal in mind. We are working at training our children to develop patterns of thinking and patterns of behavior. Learning about relationships takes time; learning to solve problems takes time; learning to express emotions properly takes time.
Do not be the kind of parent who reacts to the situations that pop-up in life. Yelling at your kids is usually not productive and can often be counter-productive. It can signal to your kids that you are not pleased with them as a person. It can strain your relationship. It can set your future relationship on a very negative path.
Remember when your children make mistakes, even sinful choices, that you are helping them develop their character. Don’t settle for immediate solutions to problems if that would create a long-term inappropriate behavior or expectation. What are we trying to train in our children? Obedience to authority. Humility toward God and toward others. Respect. Responsibility. How to work with others.
Keeping the goal in mind – sending our children back to God (Psa. 127:35) — should dominate our parenting decisions.
Paul Holland
