In Psalm 127:3, the inspired writer reminds us that children are gifts from God. Now, if you view your child as a precious gift from the Heavenly Father, how is it going to affect the way you train him/her and how you treat him/her? There are far too many people in America today who act like children are an after-thought, a growth, an accident. What are some other ways that we can strengthen and improve our children’s self-image?
Let children be children. Children need time to just play and relax. We feel like our children need to be busy, busy, busy from the time we pick them up after school until bedtime. We schedule, schedule, schedule. But what happens when you make your children “entertain themselves?” Send kids outside, just to play. They are forced to use their imaginations. They become active thinkers, not passive receivers. A few years ago, I read a book written by education researchers. The title of the book says it all – Einstein did not use flash cards. Unstructured play time.
Certainly, we need to focus on our children’s strengths rather than their weaknesses. What may happen is that their weakness is our strength so that we compare them (unfairly) to ourselves. Let us look at them as unique individuals, made in the image of God with a special blend of strengths and weaknesses. Let them be themselves and focus on, highlight their strengths.
Remember that children are only human too. I am seven years older than my youngest brother. I remember occasionally Dad would ask of my brother, “Why did he do that?” Mom would respond, “Because he’s … years old.” Mom was allowing Tim to be a child, to grow, and to make mistakes. Be quick to forgive your child. Don’t force them to do “penance” either. If they need to repay for breaking something, that’s one thing. But don’t treat them as if they have to do good to counterbalance the bad they have done. If you have to punish, make the point, forgive, and then move on.
Related to weaknesses, teach your children how to overcome obstacles. Overcoming obstacles is a fantastic way to develop a healthy self-image. You make a list of solutions to the obstacles. Then you evaluate the solutions – which ones will work, which ones will not work under the available circumstances? You choose a solution to try. If it does not work, you try something else. If you will help your child evaluate the solutions and choose which ones to try, once they are successful, they will feel successful.
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Discipline your children with love. A person falling out of a tree flails with his arms. He needs boundaries, something to steady against. Emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, children also need boundaries. Observe your children and what they really love and then use that to help discipline them. I would not recommend this with all children but I can threaten to take her books away from Jewell and it motivates her!
Finally, help your children feel a sense of belonging. Let them know you are glad they are home from school, home for the holidays, home for the summer. Let them know that you are glad and thankful to have them in your presence. God tells us as Christians that we are vital parts of the body. Children need to be taught the same relative to our physical families and feel the same way in the family. Chores are a good way to help children feel needed and contributing.
May God help all of us parents prepare our children to spend eternity with Him.
–Paul Holland
