A man and his wife were spending the night in a hotel. The next morning, they prepared to return home. The wife loves to recycle and hates to waste anything. Leftover soap in a hotel room, for example, is thrown in a small plastic bag and taken home. That particular morning, she removed the soap a little too early. The man had to use the bathroom and reached for the soap to wash his hands but it was gone. His patience was already a little thin so his reaction was to clinch his fists and go “r-r-r-r-r-r.” That was the extent of his outburst. But it was enough to make his wife feel bad about what she had done and she ran to get the soap.
Perhaps that is as good as “controlling anger” gets among humans. Perhaps Jesus would not even had done that. What would you have done? Better? Worse? Yell? Call names? Curse? Throw something?
Controlling anger is one of the hardest behaviors for humans to manage but without it, chaos, wars, and murder ensue. At the least, relationships are damaged, sometimes irrevocably.
How can we control our anger in a way that honors our Savior and keeps relationships intact? Here are some suggestions:
Make up your mind that you are going to control your anger. Godly behavior begins in the mind with the decision to reflect Christ in every way. If you are one who has trouble controlling your anger, think about what life would be like if your anger did not control you. Monitor your body’s reactions; detect the slightest hint that you are getting angry and then “nip it in the bud.”
Force yourself to never express anger in physically destructive ways, such as throwing things, punching, pushing, or destroying property. Put yourself into a “time out,” at least mentally. You may have to walk away from a tense moment or conversation. Simply inform the other person that you need some time to cool off. You are responsible for how you respond. Do not allow someone else to push you to lose self-control (Eph. 4:26-27).
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As with so many of our sins, one root cause of anger is pride or selfishness. People do not agree with us; we get mad. People do not meet our expectations; we get mad. People do not understand us; we get mad. Work on not being so competitive. You don’t have to win every argument, even if you are right. You don’t have to correct other peoples’ mistakes all the time. You don’t have to have your way all the time.
Address your communication problems. Understand: 1.) You do not always communicate as clearly as you could; 2.) Other people (including yourself) do not always understand as clearly as they should; 3.) Sometimes we say things without realizing exactly what we have said; 4.) Others do not always realize that what was going through their minds is what came out of their mouths. Be patient and work on communicating more clearly.
Learn to forgive. The sooner you forgive others, the quicker and healthier you will be in control of your own emotions. Pray for guidance. Pray for strength to overcome your anger issues. Talk to others about how they control their anger. Share with them a scenario in which you lost your temper and ask them how they would have handled it differently.
Finally, strengthen your love for other people. If you truly love your spouse, friends, etc., then remind yourself that they do not deserve the tongue lashing that you might feel like giving. Your relationship with them is more important than the brief reprieve you might feel if you just “get it out.”
–Paul Holland
