David was given King Saul’s daughter, Michal, as a gift for killing Goliath. In 1 Samuel 18:20-29, we see a loving relationship between the two. In chapter 19, she saves his life. But by the time we arrive at 2 Samuel 6:16, 20-23, we see that their love had grown cold. They were in the midst of a “love recession.” We do not know how they got there. We do know what they could have done to get out of it…
UNDERSTAND THAT LOVE RECESSIONS CAN HAPPEN
Even God’s children, Christians, can suffer from set-backs in their marriages. When the first child comes along and Momma is busy with feeding the new little one and making “goo-goo” eyes at him/her, Daddy can feel left out. Love recessions often happen at key transition points like that.
But just because one is in a “love recession” doesn’t mean you have to stay there or allow things to deteriorate.
WHAT DO YOU DO TO MINIMIZE LOVE RECESSIONS?
The first key, we might say, to growing through a love recession is to communicate! With love and patience, you must tell your spouse that you are feeling left out of his/her life. Don’t be entirely negative. Unloading a dump-truck load of grievances will make matters worse. But, don’t shy away from sharing the negative feelings, either. Be gentle; be kind; be open.
Sometimes you need to act your way into a better sense of feeling. If you have not seen the movie Fireproof, it would be good to watch it.
Keep in mind that there are small, innocuous behaviors that can eat away at your relationship with your spouse. Like excessive attention to your hobbies, spending too much time at work, or too much television.
HOW TO PROSPER IN A LOVE RECESSION
Touch your spouse, lovingly, frequently, and non-sexually. It sends a strong non-verbal message of love, appreciation, and tenderness. According to Willard Harley in his book, His Needs, Her Needs, affection is the single greatest need a woman has.
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Related to that is hugging. Hugging makes a body feel good and helps prevent sicknesses and diseases.
Putting in a good word. Bless your spouse. The word “blessing” in Greek – (eulogew) and Romanian bine / cuvânt means a “well/good” “word”. It means to speak well of another person. You bless the other by being careful what you say and how you say it. Pray with and for each other.
And, of course, there’s always the date. It is vital to growing through a love recession to get away from stresses, work, children, housework. Spend time with one another. It doesn’t have to cost much, either. Rachel loves going to art galleries. They’re free and it gives her warm fuzzies for me go tag along.
Don’t forget to say, “I love you”. Say it often. Say it meaningfully. Say it in unique ways. When Harry Truman passed away, he had written 1,200 letters to Bess. He first asked her to marry him in 1911. They were finally wed in 1919. He never stopped courting her.
May you and your spouse grow through the recessions that will come your way. Norman Wright’s book Holding on to Romance will give you lots of suggestions. I recommend it.
–Paul Holland
