Spending time together is a powerful antidote to isolation, loneliness, and alienation. Members of strong families know they are liked and wanted and know they will never be abandoned.
Do you enjoy each other’s company? If not, why not? You did when you dated. You did when you first married. What has changed? Is it something that can be changed back?
Spending time together helps the family develop its own identity. As a married couple, spending time together helps strengthen your marriage bond and that bond needs to depend on each other.
SPENDING TIME TOGETHER:
In Genesis 19:17 & 26, Lot and his family were commanded not to look back. But Mrs. Lot spent too much time in Sodom. Her hearts’ strings were wrapped around too many things and too many people. I’m not criticizing her for missing those memories and those relationships. We could only criticize her for not obeying the command of the angel of God.
Past memories strengthen the future. In 1 Samuel 7:10-12, we read of the memorial stone named, “Ebenezer.” It means: “Thus far the Lord has helped us.” God often created memorials of good times, happy memories (like the exodus) to spur loyalty and faithfulness in the Israelites.
Make time to make memories. What are some of the happiest memories of your family life in your childhood? Helen, GA was a Saturday destination for us for many years. We rarely bought souvenirs but we often had picnics in the Smokey Mountains. As a mission team, we went to the Peleş Castle. We always had Christmases together when we exchanged names.
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MEMORIES GIVE US IDENTITY AND COHESION:
For spiritual identities, see Psalm 78:1-4 and Exodus 12:23-27. In the New Testament, it is the Lord’s Supper that reminds us of our identity as Christians.
As a family, or a couple, do everyday things together. You know, some of the happiest times of my family, my family of origin and my current family, are spent around the dinner table.
Marriage never gets to a point where you can sit back and say, “Okay. I’ve done all I need to do to build this marriage. I don’t have to contribute any more.” You will never get to that point. “It takes patience to grow a marriage, experience to discover the ever-changing needs of another human being, courage to communicate, and wisdom to really know another person” (Faulkner & Brecheen, What Ever Happened to Mom, Dad, and the Kids?, 127).
To be honest, the best memories rarely have anything to do with money. In The Myths of Happiness, UC at Riverside psychology professor and researcher on “happiness,” Sonja Lyubomirsky, writes that we need to learn to spend our money on events and experiences, not on “things.”
Make your family stronger by making your marriage stronger: Spend time together.
–Paul Holland
