This will be our last post till 9/19.
So many of us deal with grief, in various forms and stages. I grieved that we left our mission work in Romania, too early from many perspectives. I have grieved the loss of both parents, really too early. Most recently, I have grieved leaving our oldest daughter at college, 500 miles away. Many have experienced deeper grief and more chronic grief than I have.
How do we deal with grief? Jesus was a man of similar emotions as we have. In the account of the death of Lazarus, John 11, Jesus sees the Jews weeping over Lazarus and He “was deeply moved in spirit and was troubled” (vs 33). As Jesus asked where Lazarus had been interred, the Jews responded, “Lord, come and see.” At that, “Jesus wept” (vs 35). Some of those standing around lamented that it was disappointing that a man could give sight to the blind but he could not keep this man, his friend, from dying. At that comment, “Jesus, again being deeply moved within, came to the tomb” (vs 38).
We can grieve in various ways and for various reasons. The most intense is likely the death of a loved one, a spouse or a child, especially if it is unexpected or tragic. Jesus, too, grieved at the loss of His friend. Perhaps, as some have suggested, Jesus also grieved at the hold death had over mankind. Yet, Jesus came to break that hold (Heb. 2:15).
There are some negative ways we might deal with grief but these are not, generally, healthy modes. We might withdraw. Yet David, when he lost his child, went to worship (2 Sam. 12:20). It is better to weep surrounded by Christians who care than to weep alone. Another negative way to deal with grief is feeling sorry for oneself. That is easy to understand; “Woe is me!” “No one ever suffered like I have!” “I’m a Christian! Why am I suffering this way!?”
A third negative way of dealing with grief is depression. Discouragement is easy to understand. In whatever way we are grieving, it is the loss, the death of hopes and aspirations and expectations. But allowing the discouragement to degenerate into depression is not healthy and can backfire on us emotionally and spiritually.
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So, what are good, positive ways to deal with grief? Let us follow the example of our Savior. Jesus talked when He grieved (Mark 8:31) and He cried (Heb. 5:7). Crying is a healthy and normal way to deal with grief, even, of course, for men.
Jesus questioned God (Matt. 27:46). Many of the psalms are questions David or other men threw at God in prayer. Yes, question God in prayer. Lay your pain at His feet in prayer. Jesus surrendered Himself to God’s will in faith (Luke 23:46). Jesus forgave those who had sinned against Him (Luke 23:34). Jesus continued moving forward with His life, His plans, His goals (John 5:17). And, Jesus offered hope to those around Him (John 11:25-26).
So, how can we deal with, or grow through, our grief? Cry. Don’t try to choke back the tears. Let them flow. Talk with someone about your pain. On the flip side, if someone is talking to you about their pain, do not be judgmental and do not offer flippant platitudes or even solutions. Just listen. And cry with them.
Learn from your loss. Look for “collateral beauty” in the events. Pray for yourself and all who have also been hurt by the loss. Act in positive and constructive ways. Focus on what is good and what you still have. Focus on a bright future with faith and hope. Accept that this world is not perfect and Satan has a strong hand in what happens.
Walk closely with God and, in the end, all will turn out alright.
Paul Holland
