What do you do when you have learned a family member is in sin? How do you deal with it? Let’s say that your husband is involved with pornography. Or your wife is addicted to drugs, perhaps it is prescription medication, but it is an addiction nevertheless. Or you have a child who is addicted to gambling. There are many behaviors that are addictive and there are many behaviors that are sinful. How do we handle it, what should our response be, when we find sinful, addictive behavior in someone who is close to us, whom we love?
First, we need to recognize that everyone is addicted to sin in some form. There is “none who are righteous, no not one” (Rom. 3:23). Everybody has a sin problem. What that means is that while we have to be loving and courageous in our confrontation, we need to temper that with humility and grace knowing that the person we confront could also confront us with our own sins (see Gal. 6:1-2).
So, how do we deal with family in sin? To answer that question, I want to go back to the prophet Hosea so we can conclude our study of this minor prophet and so I can show you how relevant the OT is, in general, and the minor prophets, specifically (chapters 10-14).
So, how do we deal with family in sin?
#1 – REAFFIRM YOUR LOVE FOR YOUR FAMILY MEMBER:
Throughout the book of Hosea, God reaffirms His love for Israel, His jealousy for Israel. God was jealous for Israel because Israel needed to give God her ultimate and complete devotion. God deserved it and Israel owed her allegiance to God for all of His blessings given to her: 11:3-4; 12:6, 9; 14:8.
As you begin the process of “confronting with love,” be sure and reaffirm your love for your spouse or your child in the strongest terms possible and why you are confronting him or her. If the member is a spouse, he or she owes you their highest allegiance, as far as human relationships are concerned. When we enter into the covenant of marriage, we swear an oath in the eyes of heaven that we will give to our spouse what we owe him or her (1 Cor. 7:3-4).
Of course, if the family member is a child, then explain to him or her the allegiance children owe their parents. Parents sacrifice time, energy, money, many times their own self-fulfillment, in order to provide for their children. It is done out of love, certainly, but thanksgiving on the part of the children should compel them to consider the feelings and thoughts of the parents.
#2 – CONFRONT THE SIN:
In 10:2, God says that Israel’s heart is “faithless” and they have to “bear their guilt” (cf. 11:12; 12:11; 13:2).
We absolutely must confront sin. If we love we will confront sin. Sin is not just against family members, against your husband or wife or parents or children – sin is against God. When Abimelech took Sarah, Abraham’s wife, to be his own wife, God appeared to him and said, “I am stopping you from sinning against me” (Gen. 20:6). God is telling Abimelech that his behavior is sin against God. Of course, sin is also against each other – the spouse, parent, or even child. In Hosea (4:2), the sins they were committing against each other were deception, murder, stealing, adultery, and bloodshed.
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#3 – SHOW THE CONSEQUENCES OF THE SIN:
In 10:6, God explains that the idols Israel is worshiping is going to be carried into exile in Assyria and the nation of Israel itself will be “seized with shame,” Israel will be “ashamed of its own counsel” (cf. 11:5-6; 12:14; 13:3). Listen to God as He describes the consequences of Israel’s sin on Him! 11:8
There are consequences to sin. People stop sinful behavior only when they see it is destructive. You have to explain the destructive consequences of the sinful behavior. You must explain how the behavior negatively impacts the person’s relationship with God, with you, with others. You may want to make a list, if not write a letter so the thoughts can be put down on paper and pondered by your family member. If you can’t verbalize the consequences, the destructive consequences, of the behavior, it’s likely that your family member is not going to see and admit the consequences. So, put some thought into it. And, just saying, “It is sin against God,” may not be enough. Truly, it ought to be enough, but it may not be. Show some immediate short-term consequences of the sin.
#4 – SHOW THEM THE BENEFITS OF REPENTANCE:
In 11:1, Hosea reflects back on God calling Israel, His “son”, to come out of Egyptian slavery in order to worship God. God wanted to have a personal relationship with Israel, so He called them into the wilderness, out of Egypt, in order to have that relationship. In 11:10-11, God tells Israel that if they repent of their sins, they’ll be restored to a healthy, happy, spiritual relationship with their God, the God of heaven.
Renewing trust is a benefit of repentance. A closer relationship with your family member is a benefit of repentance; sin puts a strain on that relationship. Remove the sin, you remove the strain. If repentance happens, thank your family member for it and thank God for it! (14:1-2) If repentance happens, do your best to treat your family member as if they had never committed such a sin – that, in fact, is the definition of forgiveness. (14:4-7)
TWO FINAL THOUGHTS:
Pray throughout the whole situation. Pray for your family member, for his/her strengths and for their weaknesses. Pray for your relationship, that it can stay together despite the strain the sin is putting on it. Pray for yourself. Pray and strengthen your own spiritual life; you must continue to grow and mature as a Christian yourself. If you are going to survive through the ordeal, your relationship with God is paramount – strengthen it every way you can.
Remember, even if your spouse or your child fails to repent and change his or her behavior, their life will not impact your spiritual destiny. Paul writes in 1 Cor. 3:15 that we might suffer loss, but we will be saved. And John promises us that there are no tears in heaven (Rev. 7:17).
Confront with care, like God did Israel.
Paul Holland
