“Ask, and it will be given to you. Seek, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened” (Matthew 7:7-8).
Where are you, God? I ask for Him until my voice gives out, but I hear no answer in return. I seek and search until my legs give out, but I can often not find Him. I knock until my knuckles begin to bleed, but the gates of heaven remain completely locked. Where are you, God, when I feel like I lose my purpose? Where are you when I feel that the darkness is all around me? Where are you, God, when I have no idea where to go? Then I hear His Word tell me, “You are asking the wrong question. I am right here, Bishop—where are you?”
I am often afraid to follow God. I look out; I see where His footprints go, and I am not willing to go with Him. I see His footprints walk amongst the tax collectors and the sinners, and I fear for my reputation. I watch Him pray over the poor and the sick, and I stay in my luxury. He runs to the outcast and the broken, but I stay perched on my ivory tower. He gives what He has to help those who are unfortunate, and I stockpile my wealth. He feeds the hungry, clothes the naked, and serves the lowly—I feed myself, engorge my closet, and live in pride. I see the footprints of Jesus leading to Calvary, and I remain in my complacency.
Where am I? I am not at the well with the adulteress Samaritan woman. I am not at the house of Zaccheus, the corrupt tax collector. I am not having my feet washed by a prostitute’s hair because of the self-sacrificial love I showed her. I am not loved by the weak and hated by the religious elite. I am not giving up my rights to shower them on others. I am not taking up my cross from others. I am not showing love to the religiously, politically, ethically, racially, socially, culturally, sexually, morally different. In short, I am not with Christ.
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The question I should be asking is not, “Where are you, God?” but it is rather, “Why am I not with God?” For far too long, I have made Christianity out to be a lifestyle I could perform in the comfort of complacency, under the shroud of monotony. But that is not the case. If I am going to be a Christian, if we are going to be Christians, then we have to start by living Christ. It is time for us to leave behind our comfort for a cross and follow Jesus into the world. It is in sharing in God’s mission, love, and purpose that we as people will find Him fully.
Where are you, God? I asked, and I found Him with the broken.
Bishop Darby
